He doesn’t like you. Get over it.

by byejason

If a guy doesn’t like you, chances are you know it. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself so you over analyze every text he sends you and tell your friends that he hates you so they are forced to be like “omg nooooo he totally likes you, why else would he come over at 3 am when he’s blackout and eat the quesadilla you made him then pass out in your bed?” If you don’t think he likes you, go against your instincts to drunk text him “come over and bring your handcuffs and Taco Bell lol” and read these tips instead so you can avoid looking like a fucking idiot. You’re welcome.

If he

1. suddenly comes down with a mysterious illness the night of your birthday party
2. had time to tweet, update his status and/or change his profile picture after he read your text message but didn’t respond
….And in case you were also wondering, he was not jumping in the shower and didn’t have time to respond, his phone isn’t dead, he didn’t drop it in the toilet, he didn’t lose your number and his dog didn’t eat it.
3. Gives you back another girl’s earrings after you spend the night there
4. only comes over if it’s past midnight- and then makes sure he is out of your bed before you wake up, even if you have a 7 am wake up call and he has absolutely nothing to do that day.
5. Pretends he has never met you after you’ve hooked up multiple times
6. Makes you walk home alone in the rain (hail) at 5 am post hook up with no raincoat or umbrella
7. Introduces you to his girlfriend the next time you see each other

Then he needs to shave his back.

*Disclaimer- these may or may not be based on actual events in the lives of Karen and Tam. But mostly Karen.